One-Act Play: Astra the Pythia

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Xena.
Chief priestess at the Delphic Oracle, and attendant on the Pythia. She is in her late thirties or early forties.

Astra.
The Delphic Pythia, whose trances put her in touch with Apollo, and let her answer questions asked of that god. She is a dignified, winning, lovely woman in her late twenties or early thirties, and is dressed in a very loose-fitting gown.
She earned her position as Pythia, despite her youth, because she is extraordinarily intelligent and perceptive. She is respected and loved by her associates and underlings at Delphi.

Susio.
A farmer who lives in a town near Delphi. A chubby, bucolic gentleman with little education.

Circe
Susio's piglet. (Circe is always carried in the arms of a player, and may be represented by a pig-like toy or puppet. Her occasional grunts may be provided by a tape recorder hidden in the toy and operated by the player, or by someone off-stage speaking through a loudspeaker, or may be done ventriloquistally by the player who holds her. )

Socrates.
The great philosopher at age fifty.

Aristophanes
The remarkable playwright, a writer of comedies. A handsome man, about thirty years old.

SCENE
The Temple of Apollo at Delphi, in Greece.

TIME
Early afternoon on a Spring day in 420 B.C.

There is a page suggesting the pronunciation of Greek names
following the end of the play.


SETTING:
The chamber, in the Temple of Delphi, where the Pythia hears questions put to the Oracle, goes into her trance, and gives Apollo's response. The only furnishings are the Tripod (a tall, three-legged stool with a bowl-shaped seat), and an altar.

AT RISE: The stage is empty. Enter XENA and ASTRA. XENA is talking.

XENA

...and in Mantinea, a vixen was seen shuffling her cubs around the
temple in the midst of a thunderstorm. The elders think it to be
an omen which bodes ill for peace.

ASTRA

Perhaps an omen; or maybe just an anxious mother, worried, as any
mother might be, that lightning would strike down one of her babes.

XENA

You may be right, Astra, for the Spartans don't yet take up arms,
though King Agis still refuses to give up Amphipolis, as the treaty
required.

ASTRA

What's the news from Athens?

XENA

Our informer says the citizens are pleased to be freed from the
hazards and privation of war. The spring planting is nearly
complete. Athletes are in training for this summer's Olympic
Games, and Alcibiades will enter and race seven chariots. The gold
and ivory in Polycleitus' new statue of Hera are said to be from
Egypt.

ASTRA

Aristophanes' plays. Are they still running?

XENA

Acharnians, Knights, and Wasps no longer play, Astra. But Clouds
and Peace are still in the theatre, and play twice each month.
It's strange you mention Aristophanes; he is here today, and
insists he must consult with you.

ASTRA

[Surprised.]
He does! But he knows I never see anyone who's not submitted his
question at least a week in advance.

XENA

Of course. He did so a year ago, when he came to ask whether a
play about birds would be successful.

ASTRA

I... I remember. And what is his question today?

XENA

He asks, "Will my son prosper, so that his life will be better than
mine?"

ASTRA

He has a son?

XENA

So it would seem.

ASTRA

[Thinks for a moment.]
Let Aristophanes appear. I will answer his question.

XENA

Are you certain....
[She stops, seeing ASTRA frown.]
You are. I shall arrange that he may come.
[She exits.]

ASTRA

[Raising her voice.]
And Socrates, who also comes today to question the Oracle--how does he feel about the success of Clouds? About Aristophanes' putting
him in the play, and making him a greedy and pompous old man who
teaches Unjust Logic? Does he find it as amusing as do his
fellow-citizens?

XENA

[Reappears.]
He laughs, with the rest. But it seems he avoids Aristophanes,
whenever he can. I believe...

ASTRA

It matters not what you and I believe, my dear Xena. What does the
gossip say?

XENA

Our informer has heard that Socrates has difficulty hiding his indignation.

ASTRA

It will be amusing if the two of them meet today, here in Delphi.
Does anyone else come to consult the Oracle, besides Socrates and
Aristophanes ?

XENA

The farmer Susio is here, Astra. You remember he is from nearby
Chaeronea, and desires to know what will make his grapes thrive.
Socrates will be second, and Aristophanes last.

ASTRA

Good.
[She climbs awkwardly onto the Tripod and sits
facing the audience. The tripod is so tall
that her legs do not reach the floor.]
Soon the time will come when I must be away. Have you made it
known that the Oracle will be silent for several weeks?

XENA

Yes, Astra. The omens point to Apollo's absence, starting sometime
soon.

ASTRA

[Dryly.]
The omens serve us well. And when the goat was sacrificed this
morning, did its entrails indicate that Apollo will join us today,
and make his presence known?

XENA

Yes, Astra.

ASTRA

Fine. Well, Xena, shall we begin? Let the first Questioner appear.

XENA

[Goes to the wing, and calls out.]
Susio of Chaeronea, enter!
[Enter SUSIO, a little uncertainly. He
carries CIRCE in his arms.]

SUSIO

Here I am, then. Where am I?

XENA

You are in the Pythia's chamber. What's that you have? A pig?!!

SUSIO

My lovely little gilt, Circe. Be she not a beauty? Look, here,
did you ever see such blue eyes?

XENA

[Indignant.]
Pigs are not allowed in the chamber. How did the guards...

ASTRA

Let me see her, Susio.

SUSIO

And who are you?

XENA

This is the Pythia, through whom the god Apollo will speak to you.

SUSIO

This chit of a girl?
[He walks around her, staring, as he talks.]
She don't look old enough to be on good terms with the god. A
toothsome wench, though. Plump as Circe, here, will be in a few
months, when she's ready to be served by Aerius, my randy and
lickerish old boar.
[He pinches ASTRA on the rear, and she starts.]
Aerius! You get it? It's a pun I named him with. Eros, the god
of love; Aerius. the loving pig! A pun!

XENA

[Indignant.]
Mind your hands and tongue, Susio. You risk the wrath of the gods.

SUSIO

Apollo himself might relish serving a ripe and juicy girl like this
one. And so would I, if you gave me back twenty years and the
pikestaff I carried in those days for serving the ladies. But they
told me the Oracle must be a virgin. This one ain't got such a
virginal look. A bit brazen and luscious, she seems to me.

XENA

[Insulted, and furious.]
An unchaste Pythia would be punished by being buried alive, old
man. And your impudence may bring the same fate to you!!

ASTRA

[Gesturing to calm XENA.]
Please, Susio, let me see your Circe.
[SUSIO happily shows the pig to ASTRA, who
strokes CIRCE'S back and rubs her ears.]
She is lovely. But why do you bring her here? You are to ask
Apollo about grapevines, not pigs.

SUSIO

Grapes and grapevines, yes. But Circe's my favorite, my buttercup.
Goes everywhere I go, she does.
[Throughout his time on stage, while SUSIO
holds CIRCE in his arms, he more or less
continually fondles her, stroking and rubbing
her gently as he talks and listens.]

ASTRA

Well, Xena, we must not presume to separate such a congenial
couple. Let Circe stay.

XENA

[Resigned.]
Very well. Have you your question ready, Susio?

SUSIO

Four weeks I've had it ready, and needed an answer all them
turtle-crawling days.

XENA

Then put your question to the Pythia. And curb your impertinence,
or Apollo will frown and the earth will open beneath your feet.

SUSIO

All right. All right. Give me a minute. Five hard-won drachmas I
paid for the god's help. For that shouldn't I be allowed to admire
the withers and buttocks of his toothsome Oracle, here? But how
must I sow, now, to harvest the advice I need? What would you have
me do?

XENA

You kneel there, at the altar, and ask your question. Apollo
hears, and the Pythia goes into a trance and speaks his answer.

SUSIO

I kneel, and she trances. I've a mind she has the easier job.
[He goes to XENA, and hands her the pig.]
Here, take care of Circe while I puts my question.

XENA

No! I....
[She tries to back away, but SUSIO forces CIRCE
on her, and she holds the pig, awkwardly and
reluctantly, in her arms. CIRCE snuffles a few
times, then settles down.]

SUSIO

[He kneels, with difficulty.]
Well, I'm ready. Is Apollo?

ASTRA

We are ready. Go ahead.

SUSIO

Here you are, then. Lord Apollo. I be just a poor farmer, with
pigs and chickens and a vineyard on the hillside near Chaeronea. I
ain't as young as I was when I was younger, and my bones ache in
the winter time. My wife scolds me, my sons are lazy, and my
eldest daughter is to be married this year, and wants the moon.
It's hard to get good help on the farm, and...

XENA

The question, Susio. What is your question?

SUSIO

Ah, yes. The question. It's this. I needs me a good crop to pay
for the daughter's dowry and wedding. How can I make sure to
harvest at least ten talanton of grapes this year?

ASTRA

[She shuts her eyes, sits up straight, and
slowly raises her arms until they are pointing
straight ahead. After a moment in this
position, she replies. When in her trance,
speaking for Apollo, her face is
expressionless, and her voice is deeper,
stronger, and slower than when she is herself.
As she enters the trance, SUSIO turns, still on
his knees, and looks at her.]
You must do several things to encourage the grapes. Tie the vines up, to keep them off the ground. Spread pig and chicken dung around the roots, and hoe it into the earth. Pull and chop the
weeds, so they do not rob the grapes of sweetness, and water the vineyard when Zeus has been stingy with his rain. If you follow these precepts, Dionysus will favor you with a bountiful harvest.
[Having replied, she relaxes, opens her eyes,
and lowers her arms.]

SUSIO

[Getting up.]
Dung and water, is it? Tie and weed the vines, you say? I've
heard it said that such like steps would help the grapes, but I've
never believed it. Means a lot of work, hauling and hoeing. But,
if Apollo says....
[He goes to XENA and retrieves CIRCE, much to
XENA's relief.]
Ah, there, my lump of suet, my precious bauble of fat. Be you all
right?
[CIRCE grunts contentedly. Now SUSIO
approaches ASTRA, and suddenly leans over and
busses her soundly on the cheek. XENA tries to
intervene, but is too late.]
If Apollo says that's what I should do, then I'll do it. Thank
you, dame Oracle. Say goodbye to young Circe, here.

ASTRA

[Rubbing CIRCE'S ears.]
Farewell, little one.

SUSIO

That's the spirit!
[He pinches her again and exits, saying..]
Ripe and juicy, and soft to the touch you be. Now let me see.
What were the advice? Ah, yes. Dung and water. Tie and weed.
Dung and water. Tie and weed. Dung and...

ASTRA

[Bursting into laughter.]
I've never before been regarded with such a charming mixture of
respect and insolence! May his harvest support a dozen weddings!
[Sobering up.]
And now, who's next? Socrates, I think?

XENA

Yes, my lady.

ASTRA

[Settling herself on the tripod.]
Bring him on.

XENA

[Going to the wings again.]
Socrates of Athens, enter.
[Enter SOCRATES, pulling SUSIO along by the
arm. SUSIO still holds CIRCE.]

SOCRATES

Good day, mistresses.

SUSIO

Let me go! I've had my answer, and wants to get back to the farm
to dung and water, tie and weed. Why be you dragging me along like
a plough behind the ox?

SOCRATES

Be quiet a moment, my good friend.

SUSIO

I ain't your good friend, or a bad one either. Never set eyes on
you before. You be as much a stranger to me as my cousin's sweat
and muscle when it's time to harvest the grapes.

XENA

Good day, Socrates. We are honored to meet you. But why do you
bring Susio? Apollo has answered his question.

SOCRATES

As he was leaving, he told me of the Oracle's advice, and I was
dumbfounded.

XENA

Why were you surprised?

SOCRATES

The advice was, I am quite sure, unsound.

ASTRA

You challenge Apollo's word? Be careful, Socrates. Man should not
dispute the gods.

SOCRATES

I would never question the wisdom of the gods, but...may I ask your
name?

ASTRA

I am Astra, the Pythia.

SOCRATES

As I said, my dear Astra, I wouldn't question Apollo. I simply
wonder whether there might be some misunderstanding.

ASTRA

Misunderstanding?

SOCRATES

Yes. The reply Susio received seems to me to be ill-considered, as
was another reply, to another question, given earlier this year.

ASTRA

You refer to Chairephon's question?

SOCRATES

Yes. Do you remember what he asked?

ASTRA

Oh, yes. Your friend asked, "Is anyone wiser than Socrates?"

SOCRATES

And what was the reply?

ASTRA

Apollo answered, "There certainly are wiser men. Socrates is too
meddlesome and pretentious to be truly wise." I am sorry if you
were offended, Socrates, but that was the response.

SOCRATES

And the Oracle told Susio, here, that he would have an abundant
harvest if he irrigated, weeded, and fertilized his grape vines.

SUSIO

And tied 'em up, to keep 'em off the ground. Dung and water, tie
and weed.

ASTRA

With Susio's amendment, Socrates, that is correct. And you regard
these replies as unsound? As the product of some misunderstanding?

SOCRATES

I do. I wonder, Astra--are you sure you heard Apollo's words
clearly?

ASTRA

That is a foolish question, Socrates. Surely you know that I don't
hear Apollo. He speaks through me while I am in a trance. It's
not a matter of my listening to his words, and passing them on as a
runner passes the baton in a relay race. I am merely a channel
through which the god's words flow, like water flows through a pipe
or trench.

SUSIO

A delicious morsel of a trench she be too, don't you think,
Socrates—that's your name, was it? Notice she has skin as white
as sow's milk, hair as fine as flax, hands as soft as...

SOCRATES

A lovely woman, to be sure, Susio. But how are we to account for
the Oracle's imperfect advice? We know that a virgin like Astra,
here, is bound to be a pure vehicle for divine communications from
the gods.

SUSIO

Yes. Well, the advice looked good to me, though I told her I
weren't sure a heifer as sweet and delectable as she could be a
virgin, pure and chaste and..

SOCRATES

Now, Susio, you are unjust. Beautiful women can be as virginal as
ugly ones.

SUSIO

Yes, but not for so long a time as the ugly ones. The beauties are
soon brought down and tumbled in the hay.

XENA

Your remarks Insult Apollo as much as they do the Pythia, Susio.
You would do well to curb your tongue.

SOCRATES

But you felt the Oracle's advice was good, Susio?

SUSIO

Oh, yes. Dung and water, tie and weed. That's bound to be good
advice. Good things always be a bushel of extra trouble and
expense. The richest maiden in the county has already cost me six
banquets and a prime ox, and she still ain't betrothed to my son,
or even in the young tomcat's bed.

SOCRATES

So dung and water, tie and weed is the advice. Dung is the
leavings of your pigs and hens?

SUSIO

The belly's donation to the barnyard. Charity from the chicken
coop.

SOCRATES

Dung is a disagreeable thing, is it not? Evil-smelling, and
distasteful?

SUSIO

Like stinkweed in the summer time, or my brother-in-law's garlicky
and malodorous breath.

SOCRATES

And grapes. They are sweet, are they not? And delicious to eat.

SUSIO

As tasty as the lips of this here Pythia of ours would be, if
Apollo would loan her to us for an elysian hour or two.

SOCRATES

Now, when you're eating your morning's bread, and want to sweeten
it, what do you use?

SUSIO

Why I pour on some honey, of course. That'd beee the best. You
get it, do you? The pun? Bees make honey, and that'd beee...

SOCRATES

Your wit is sublime, Susio. But you wouldn't put vinegar on your
bread to make it sweet. Or gall.

SUSIO

Gall? Not at all.
[He smiles, happy at the rhyme, and repeats.]
Not gall at all.

SOCRATES

Pay attention, Susio. No one would use sour or bitter or
evil-smelling things to make something sweet?

SUSIO

Not unless he was as idiotic as my sister's young son, who fed
chalk to the family cow to make the milk whiter!

SOCRATES

So you want your grapes to be sweet, and yet the Oracle tells you
to put foul dung on the vines. How can that advice be sound?

SUSIO

Put that way, it sounds as sensible as my wife when she burned the
cake and said the hourglass were running slow. Swore the grains of
sand had swollen and slowed down old time himself. Foolish woman,
my wife. She...

SOCRATES

The Oracle also said you should water your vines, Susio. Is that
not so?

SUSIO

So he did. Dung and water, tie and weed.

SOCRATES

But when the rivers are low, when we have a drought, what do we do?

SUSIO

Don't know what you do, but I, myself, I prays to the gods and
hopes for the best.

SOCRATES

Which god do you pray to, for rain?

SUSIO

To Zeus, of course. The mighty thunderer himself. He'd listen and
bring rain, he would, unless he was down here chasin' after some
wench, behind the back of Hera, his wife.

SOCRATES

And who's the god of wine?

SUSIO

Dionysus, and may the old lush stay sober long enough to bless my
vines this summer.

SOCRATES

And do we honor him each year?

SUSIO

If we know what's good for us. Just sacrificed my prettiest goat
to the drunken rogue. And then we celebrate his marriage to the
Queen every year. I wonder how an old sot like him keeps all them
young girls satisfied.

SOCRATES

And why do you sacrifice to Dionysus, and honor him with wedding
services?

SUSIO

We're bribin' the rascal, hoping he'll make our vines fertile.

XENA

[Sternly.]
You're honoring him, Susio; worshipping his presence; devoting
yourself to his health and happiness; entreating him, on bended
knee, to help your harvest.

SUSIO

That's what I said. Bribin' the rascal.
[XENA shakes her head, vexed.]

SOCRATES

So you pray to the gods to bring you rain and a good crop.

SUSIO

Be foolish not to. Otherwise they sits up there on Mount Olympus,
ready to do mischief like a gang of rowdy boys looking to upset
your privies.

SOCRATES

It's the gods, then, who determine what happens to man, here on
earth?

SUSIO

It be as plain as the curly tail on a pig's behind, friend
Socrates.
[He holds CIRCE up, to display her tail, and
gives her a kiss.]

SOCRATES

And it matters little what we try to do about it. We can hardly
contend with the all-powerful gods.

SUSIO

You won't see me wrestling with Hercules.

SOCRATES

So since the gods are all-powerful, and man puny beside them, why
should you dung and water, tie and weed? What good will that do.
my dear Susio, if Dionysus has decided that your grapes should
wither, or if Zeus brings hail to tear up your vineyard? Why would
Apollo advise that you work so hard, knowing you have already
sacrificed to the gods?

ASTRA

Socrates, it would appear these are questions you should ask of
Apollo, since it is his word you doubt. Poor Susio can hardly be
expected to know the answers.

SOCRATES

I don't doubt Apollo. I just suspect he was misunderstood. But
you're right, I should ask him directly.
[He goes to the altar, and kneels down.]
Apollo, my Lord, I have two questions. First, how can the filthy
dung of hogs and chickens possibly make Susio's grapes sweet? And
second, why do you tell Susio to labor in his vineyard, when he has
already sacrificed to the gods?

ASTRA

[Goes into a trance again, arms outstretched,
and speaks, after a moment or two, in her other
voice.]
Your first question is easily answered, Socrates. A pork chop's
delicious flavor is produced by Susio's pigs, despite the fact that
he feeds them unsavory slops and swill; in the same way, the
grape's sweetness will be produced by Susio's vines, even though he
feeds them the dung of pigs and chickens.

SOCRATES

But my dear Astra, if...

ASTRA

[Interrupting.]
And with regard to your second question, about Susio's so-called
'unnecessary' labors: have you heard Aesop's tale, of Hercules and
the Waggoner?

SOCRATES

I have.

ASTRA

Then you remember the waggoner asked Hercules' help in getting him
unstuck in a muddy road. And Hercules replied, "Put your shoulder
to the wheel, and don't pray to me for help until you've done the
best you can with your own muscles."

SUSIO

I remember that story! The driver must have took his eye off the
road to ogle his neighbor's daughter's legs as she hoisted her
skirts, to keep 'em out of the mud. Otherwise how could he have
sunk his cart in the ditch?

ASTRA

And what was the moral of Aesop's tale, Susio?

SUSIO

The moral? Why, the moral was, "The gods help those who help
themselves."

ASTRA

Exactly. Hippocrates, the surgeon, said much the same thing—don't
pray to the gods to be healed until your physician has done his
best. You see, Socrates, we gods help the ill when their surgeons
have tried a cure and failed; and we help those farmers who've
helped themselves with dung and water, ties and weeding.

SOCRATES

Do you say then. Lord Apollo, that Susio need not sacrifice to Zeus
and Dionysus?

ASTRA

No, Socrates. It can never hurt to make offerings to us gods.
Prayers are essential, but are not sufficient to ensure success in
any endeavor.

SOCRATES

I don't understand, Apollo. You seem to argue that man can govern
his affairs through his own puny efforts. And yet Homer tells us,
in the Iliad, that Zeus is capricious, and may shower down evil
gifts on man, despite anything man may do.

ASTRA

Homer also remarks, in the Odyssey, that men unfairly reproach the
gods for all their troubles, when man's own follies are as much to
blame.

SUSIO

You've got my head spinning. Lord Apollo, like the chicken chased
ten times 'round the barnyard by the hungry fox. 'The gods help
those who help themselves' tells me Dionysus will load up my vines
with grapes if I dung and water, tie and weed. But if you fellows
on Mount Olympus are fickle and bloody-minded, you may shove the
javelin of trouble up my backside out of mulish and bullheaded
spite, no matter what I do.

ASTRA

[Angrily.]
Bloody-minded, Susio? Mulish? Bullheaded? Is that what you think
of us gods?

SUSIO

[Suddenly frightened, he bows and scrapes.]
Oh, no, my Lord Apollo. Forgive me. My mouth ran off from my
brain, not paying attention to what my tongue was saying.
[He looks at CIRCE.]
Circe, my little pigeon, my heart's delight, haven't I told you to
grunt when I...
[He stops, and shakes CIRCE. She wakes up, snorting.]
Circe!'. You're asleep!!! No wonder!
[He looks at ASTRA.]
That's the trouble, my lord Apollo. This here lazy pig of mine was
fast asleep, and let me say what I shouldn't. But it won't happen again.
[To CIRCE.]
You'll find yourself with an apple in your mouth, roasting over a
slow fire, Circe, if you fall asleep again. Hear me?!
[CIRCE grunts apprehensively, and SUSIO speaks
to ASTRA again.]
Her eyes are wide open, now, my Lord Apollo. She'll mind my tongue
for me.

ASTRA

Good. But don't let thoughts of Mount Olympus cause your head to
spin, Susio. Mo man can know why the gods act as they do. We gods
must consider many things in deciding man's fate, and only Zeus
knows all.

SOCRATES

Can man nevertheless ask the gods why they act as they do?

ASTRA

Certainly. Man may ask; but the gods may not answer.

SOCRATES

Would you reply, if I asked about the Oracle's response to an
earlier question?

ASTRA

The question regarding Socrates' wisdom? Surely. Ask away.

SOCRATES

Did you say, "Socrates is too meddlesome and pretentious to be
truly wise"?

ASTRA

I did. I must always say the truth, Socrates.

SOCRATES

Of course. That is my principal concern—the truth--and I'm sure
you're right: there are men wiser than myself. I'm certain there
are. There must be.
[Evidently he is a bit doubtful.]
But it is important that we understand what wisdom is.

ASTRA

I agree.

SOCRATES

A man must be learned to be wise, is it not so?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

That is to say, he must have some knowledge of history, and
philosophy, and the arts, and politics.

SUSIO

And pigs!

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates: history, philosophy, the arts, politics...and pigs.

SOCRATES

And do you judge I am learned in this way, Apollo?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates. You surely are learned.

SUSIO

The wisest man I know has no history or politics or
philo-what-was-that? But when it comes to art, he be a very Zeus
of cleverness.

SOCRATES

Susio, you try my patience.

SUSIO

He has the art of swine-breeding down pat. I never knew a man
could so ably match a reluctant and bashful sow with a flabby and
pigheaded old boar. Gets 'em all horny and willing almost in the
wink of Aphrodite's eye, he does.

SOCRATES

I would you were more bashful and reluctant, Susio. But let me
continue. We're agreed that, to be wise, a man must be learned.
But that's not enough. He must also have some understanding of the
affairs of men. Isn't that so, Apollo?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

That is to say, he must be able to see the motives behind man's
acts, and the effect of the world's uncertainties on human nature,
Do you agree?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

And do you judge I have this kind of understanding, Apollo?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates. I do.

SUSIO

The wisest man I know, that old breeder of hogs, understands the
world's uncertainties all right. There's nothing more uncertain on
the face of the earth than a boar who's sittin' there in the mud,
lookin' at the sky instead of his lady-love, and wonder in' if he's
up to it today.

SOCRATES

Your friend the swine-breeder clearly rivals you in ostentatious
scholarship, Susio. But learning and understanding aren't enough
to make the wise man. He also must have good judgment. Isn't
that so, Apollo?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

That is to say, he must be able to apply his learning and his
understanding to his life and affairs, so as to make shrewd and
sensible plans for the future. Would you agree?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates. A wise man always looks to the future.

SOCRATES

And do you believe I have this kind of judgment, Apollo?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates. I do.

SUSIO

The wisest man I know be chock full of judgment. If your sweet
young gilt keeps backing away from her loving boar, he can judge
whether she's just being coy and hard-to get--a typical flighty and
provoking young coquette of a sow—or whether she's afflicted with
fleas and lice, or slept uncomfortable on a corn cob the night
before, or is just perversely claimin' a sick headache.

SOCRATES

[Ignoring the interruption.]
So you agree, Apollo, that I have learning, understanding, and
judgment; and that these are necessary qualities of the wise man?

ASTRA

Yes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

Does it not follow, then, that I am wise?

ASTRA

No, Socrates. It does not.

SOCRATES

[Surprised.]
No!?

SUSIO

That's what I heard she said. No.

ASTRA

I am not 'she', Susio. I am Apollo.

SOCRATES

Why do you say I am not wise? Where is the flaw in my argument?

ASTRA

[During the ensuing speeches, ASTRA begins
unconsciously to lose her identity as Apollo,
and becomes more herself. That is, her voice
drifts toward the treble, her arms begin to
drop, and her face becomes more animated.]
Learning, understanding, and judgment are all necessary qualities
of the wise man, Socrates, as you said. But there is another
important quality that you forgot.

SOCRATES

And what is that?

ASTRA

Prudence. That is to say, cautious good sense in dealing with
others. But let me lead up to prudence by asking a few questions
of my own. Tell me, Socrates. Have you some small smattering of
sagacity about discourse, about inquiries into the nature of
things?

SOCRATES

I know a little.

ASTRA

Only a little?

SOCRATES

Well, I have the reputation of being one who asks questions. Who
gets men to look at the commonplace in new ways.

ASTRA

You're celebrated and renowned for your questions. Is there anyone
in Greece--for that matter, is there anyone anywhere in the wide
and wonderful world—who converses any better than you?

SOCRATES

Perhaps not.

ASTRA

Surely, Socrates, you have no rivals. You haven't met your equal,
your match or peer, as yet?

SOCRATES

No, I have not.

ASTRA

And as you travel the river of life, do you find many opportunities
to engage in such conversations?

SOCRATES

Ones days are filled with talk. It is a habit of man.

ASTRA

And you talk with many people? Soldiers and millers, rich men and
poor?

SOCRATES

Yes, Apollo. Variety makes for lively discourse.

ASTRA

Do these people pursue you? Do they pester, plague, and petition
you, hoping to be questioned?

SOCRATES

Sometimes. But my questions often make citizens uncomfortable, so
they don't usually solicit my help.

ASTRA

Do you often engage people in conversation, then, even when they
don't need it and don't like it and don't want it? When they'd
prefer to be left alone?

SOCRATES

Yes. I know of no other way to reach large numbers of my
fellow-citizens.

ASTRA

I suppose not. Now Susio, my friend, tell me. Have you some small
smattering of sagacity about the raising of pigs?

SUSIO

Small smattering? Me? What is it I don't know would be a better
question, and one I'd have a hard time answering.

ASTRA

I hear you are celebrated and renowned for your knowledge. Is
there anyone in Greece—for that matter, is there anyone anywhere
in the wide and wonderful world--who gives pig advice better than
you?

SUSIO

Well, I suppose there may be someone, somewhere, who has half my
knowledge and experience of feedin' and breedin' hogs. But then,
on the other hand, there may not be.

ASTRA

Surely, Susio, you have no rivals. You haven't met your equal,
your match or peer, as yet?

SUSIO

Haven't ran across him so far, and don't expect to.

ASTRA

And as you travel the river of life, do you find many opportunities
to share this marvelous knowledge of yours with others less
fortunate?

SUSIO

I be as generous a man as you'll find anywhere, always glad to set
know-nothings on the right road to healthy pigs. The world is full
of folks ignorant of the proper way to build a pig sty or cure
swine fever; and I'm the man to set 'em straight.

ASTRA

And do these people pursue you? Do they pester, plague, and
petition you, hoping to receive this excellent advice?

SUSIO

Pursue me? No, sir. They're too stupid to ask my help. And
usually too stupid to take it, when I gives it to 'em.

ASTRA

Do you often give your fellow pig-farmers help, then, even when
they don't need it and don't like it and don't want it? When
they'd prefer to be left alone?

SUSIO

Certainly. How else will those who be all lubberly in
swine-rearing ever get educated?

ASTRA

I don't know, Susio. Socrates, you've hear what Susio has said.
Would you not say he is a pretentious man, in his claim that no one
knows more about pigs than he?

SUSIO

Claim? I claimed nothing. Just said there ain't nobody smarter
than me when it comes to hogs.

ASTRA

And Socrates, wouldn't you also agree he is meddlesome, inflicting
his knowledge on those who don't request it?

SUSIO

Meddlesome! I don't meddle. I just offer pearls of wisdom to the
swine who grow hogs.

ASTRA

[By now she is nearly herself, and turns to
look at SOCRATES, who still kneels at the
altar.]
You don't reply, Socrates. But would you not agree that
pretentious and meddlesome Susio lacks prudence, and therefore
cannot be called a wise man?

SOCRATES

[He has been looking at ASTRA, and has observed
her seeming exit from the Oracle's trance.]
I wonder, my Lord Apollo, if you have noticed that your Pythia
seems to be speaking her own opinion, rather than passing your
words on to us mortals?

ASTRA

[Turning her head forward again, raising her
arms, reducing the pitch of her voice, and
reassuming her blank look.]
You are mistaken, Socrates. The Pythia continues to serve me, and
speaks my words.
[Enter ARISTOPHANES]

ARISTOPHANES

I'm sorry to be late. I had meant to arrive.....
[He stops, surprised.]
Socrates! I didn't know you were here.
[When he speaks, ASTRA exits from her trance,
is herself once again, and turns to look at
him. ]

SOCRATES

Good day, Aristophanes.

XENA

[Indignant, she turns to shoo him out.]
We have not yet finished here, Aristophanes. Wait your turn,
outside.

ASTRA

No, Xena. Let him stay. Apollo has finished answering Socrates
questions, and is ready for another visitor.

XENA

Very well. Susio, and Socrates, you may leave. Apollo has given
you his replies.
[SUSIO starts for the door. SOCRATES gets to
his feet.]

SUSIO

Goodbye, then, all of you. I'm off to...to....
[He stops, perplexed.]
Ah, yes. To dung and water, tie and weed.
[He starts for the door again.]

SOCRATES

May we not stay, and hear the Oracle's answer to Aristophanes'
question?

XENA

It is forbidden. You must leave, at once.

ASTRA

Wait, Xena. Socrates, you may stay if you like. Aristophanes'
query concerns the destiny of man, and you pointed out that a wise
man, like you believe yourself to be, must make shrewd and sensible
plans for the future.
[And as an afterthought.]
You, may stay too, Susio, if it pleases you.

SUSIO

Well, I don't mind. If I go home, I'll just have to get to work on
those plaguey vines.

XENA

Aristophanes, this is Susio, who grows pigs and grapes in the
countryside not far from here.

SUSIO

[Holding CIRCE up.]
And this here be Circe, my charming, sweet-tempered cherub of a
gilt.
[He gives her a kiss.]

ARISTOPHANES

[He has been gazing at ASTRA, but turns to
greet SOCRATES and SUSIO.]
Good day, Susio. And Circe.
[Turning to ASTRA again.]
May I ask my question? Of Apollo?

ASTRA

You may.
[She watches him go to the altar.]

SUSIO

My pretty Pythia, I've had me a thought.

ASTRA

Yes, Susio.

SUSIO

By the feel of Circe's soft skin, the heft of her haunch, the curl
of her tail, the sharpness of this floppy ear...
[He tweaks CIRCE'S ear.]
...it seems to me this sweet piglet will some day be one prize sow.
But I'd like to hear what Apollo says. Can I ask him now, about
her future?

XENA

The lord Apollo has already had more questions today than should be
put to him in a month. And the omens show he will soon be away
from Delphi, for some weeks.

SUSIO

Ah, well. Another time, then.
[He bends over CIRCE.]
But I'll wager Apollo will say you're a prizewinner, Circe my dove,
my angel of hoggish loveliness.
[She snorts, complacently.]

ARISTOPHANES

[Kneeling.]
Lord Apollo, my question is this: will my son prosper, so that his
life will be better than mine is?
[He turns to gaze again at ASTRA, who goes into
her trance.]

SUSIO

If your sons be as lazy as my young whelps be...

XENA

Be quiet, Susio!!

ASTRA

[From her trance.]
Your son's fate is in his own hands, and in those of the gods. But
centuries from now the descendents of your grandsons will live
better lives than you. just as you live better than did the
ancestors of your grandfathers, centuries ago.

ARISTOPHANES

[Rises, still looking at ASTRA, who leaves the
trance and becomes herself once more, gazing
back at him.]
Thank you. Lord Apollo.

SOCRATES

Does this reply satisfy you, Aristophanes?

ARISTOPHANES

[Surprised.]
Certainly, Socrates. I'm glad to know my son may live a good life,
and that his children will be more comfortable than I.

SUSIO

And I hopes also that the grandpiglets of my Circe's grandpiglets
will live in comfort, in a sunny, muddy sty with plenty of juicy
swill, and sufficient fornication to keep their spirits up, their
smiles in place, and the citizens of Athens In ham and bacon.

SOCRATES

We are to believe, then, that our descendents will be better off
than we are—that the future will be brighter than was the past?

ARISTOPHANES

So Apollo said.

SOCRATES

And surely the Athenian past Itself was very bright, was It not?

ARISTOPHANES

We live in a glorious age, Socrates. All the arts and sciences,
excepting perhaps philosophy, do prosper.

SOCRATES

Did we not defeat the Persians at Marathon and Salamis? Did not
Boeotia and Phocis and Locris submit to us?

ARISTOPHANES

They did.

SUSIO

Top boar in the herd, we was. Our tusks longer than Sparta's, or
Thebes'.

SOCRATES

And Pericles, our formidable leader, extracted tributes from the
conquered states? And we grew rich?

SUSIO

Like a piglet with six teats to chew on, we was.

SOCRATES

Under his rule we were prosperous? Our merchants flourished,
trading with Egypt and Phoenicia?

SUSIO

Never sold so much wine in all my life! 'Twas good to find the
foreigners such guzzlers of the milk of Aphrodite.

SOCRATES

And Pericles had the Long Walls constructed, to keep our enemies at
bay? And caused new temples to be built? And brought artists to
Athens from all the world?

ARISTOPHANES

And encouraged the writing of plays--comedies which exposed the
follies of our citizens. Yes, Socrates. Pericles did all these things.

SOCRATES

He was a man of rare Intelligence, Aristophanes. Your plays would
not have amused him, I fear. When was it he died? About ten years
back, I think?

SUSIO

Nine years, friend Socrates. I remember it well. That were the
year they tried to tax my fat pigs! Do they think swine root gold
out of the pigsties with their snouts?

SOCRATES

[Looking at SUSIO's rotund figure.]
They sought tribute from the fat of the land, Suslo. And then
there was the plague, which seized Athens at about that time. And
the war with Sparta began. Am I not right?

ARISTOPHANES

Your memory serves you well, Socrates. Those who say you grow
bewildered and forgetful in your old age may, possibly, be
mistaken.

SOCRATES

Meanwhile, though we had some victories, Athens has suffered many
grave setbacks. The revolt at Lesbos. Our defeats at Aetolia and
Sicily, at Delium and Amphipolis.

SUSIO

Ah, yes. The past ten years was about as blissful as a gelding's
love-life: all our bold and ardent ventures followed by one
mortifyin' fiasco after another.

SOCRATES

So life in Athens was at its best in Pericles' time, some ten years
ago, and since then has grown steadily worse. Would you not agree,
Aristophanes?

ARISTOPHANES

Why, I suppose that's so—if we except the theatre, which improved
in those years. But Apollo says...

SOCRATES

Apollo told us, through the Pythia here, that your grandson's
grandsons will live lives superior to ours. Now we can hardly
doubt Apollo. So how are we to explain this seeming
contradiction--times are supposed to get better and better, but we
know the past ten years have grown steadily worse?

ARISTOPHANES

It should be evident, Socrates, to a man with your reputation for
wisdom, that our recent troubles are but a minor setback, and in
the years to come Athens will move forward again.

SOCRATES

So the affairs of men advance and recede like waves upon the beach,
you think?

SUSIO

That's it, friend Socrates! The affairs of wine-making go much the
same way: a run of good years'll be followed by a sum of years in
which the grapes come out sour as my mother-in-law's smile, and the
wine be like vinegar.

SOCRATES

That's surely reasonable. We see an ebb and flow in many
things--in the motion of the planets, the moods of our wives and
mistresses, the quality of a playwright's work,...

SUSIO

...The fruitfulness of our sows...

SOCRATES

Yes, even the fruitfulness of our sows. I ask you, Susio: how many
shoats will your best sow have, in her best year?

SUSIO

My best sow? That'd be old Dema, as gracious a lady as you'll find
in any piggery. Six years old she'll be, this coming August.
Plump as a pregnant girl, pink like a sunset's blush, with a tail
behind her that...

SOCRATES

Let us put verbosity behind us with Dema's tail, Susio. How many
shoats would she have in her best year?

SUSIO

Ah yes, shoats. Well, twice in her life she had a farrow of
eleven. Eleven, mind you!! And every one healthy as a wriggling
eel.

SOCRATES

And in between those fruitful seasons, she didn't do as well? Her
fertility ebbed, so to speak?

SUSIO

So it did. so it did. Even an Olympian sow won't be at her best
every time old Aerius mounts her.

SOCRATES

Certainly not. But do you expect that, as time passes, Dema will
produce a farrow of twelve, then fourteen, then seventeen, then...

SUSIO

Oh, no, friend Socrates. Eleven be a famous number, for a sow.

SOCRATES

And you said, my dear Aristophanes, that the affairs of men move
forward and back like the waves on a beach. Is that not so?

ARISTOPHANES

Like the flow of words from a long-winded hairsplitter, you mean?

SOCRATES

Or from a tedious fabricator of hackneyed jokes. And when the tide
is high, the ocean comes farthest up the beach?

ARISTOPHANES

You deal in platitudes, Socrates.

SOCRATES

And the highest tide each year--is it higher than the highest tide
of the year before?

ARISTOPHANES

Of course not. A high tide is a high tide.

SOCRATES

You repay my platitude with interest, Aristophanes. But if the
high point in the cycle of the tides had been rising, year by year,
through the centuries, we might by now be forced to live on boats,
with no land in sight. Is that not so?

ARISTOPHANES

Perhaps.

SOCRATES

And if our sows' litters kept growing bigger and bigger, year by
year, through the centuries, Susio...

SUSIO

Why, we might by now be up to our arses in piglets, Socrates.

SOCRATES

So the sows's litters wax and wane, but do not get bigger and
bigger; and the tides ebb and flow, but do not grow higher and
higher. And men's fortunes go through bad times and good.
Remembering pigs and tides, should we expect the best of times to
keep getting better and better?

ARISTOPHANES

If man's destiny resembles that of pigs and tides, it seems
unlikely, Socrates.

SOCRATES

Then how are we to explain Apollo's words, as spoken through the
Pythia—that the children of our children will live lives better
than ours—that the future will be brighter than was the past?

ASTRA

Once again, Socrates, it is useless to ask man to explain the words
of the god. If you would understand Apollo's prediction, you
should ask Apollo.

SOCRATES

You are right, Astra. Though all this petitioning is hard on an
old man's knees.
[As he speaks, he goes to the altar, and kneels.]
Lord Apollo, could you explain why the descendents of our grandsons
will live lives better than ours? It seems more likely that man's
affairs ebb and flow, like the tides, but are not likely to keep on
improving.

ASTRA

[She goes into her trance, then replies.]
Not long ago, Socrates, you called yourself a learned man, with
good judgment, and an understanding of the affairs of men.

SOCRATES

That's so. Though you doubted my prudence. Lord Apollo.

ASTRA

As a learned man, well-versed in history, you must know that in the
beginning, Zeus did not reveal all things to mankind. The first
men lived in holes in the ground, and ate their food raw because
they didn't have fire.

SOCRATES

But Prometheus stole fire from your chariot, the sun, and brought
it to us.

ASTRA

I'm glad you remember, Socrates. As time went on, Prometheus also
showed you how to make bricks, and build houses; he gave you the
alphabet, and arithmetic; revealed the secrets of the stars; showed
you how to plant crops, and raise sheep and cows.

SUSIO

And pigs! Beautiful, willing, sensible, sexy, smiling pigs!

ASTRA

And pigs. He also taught you how to tame the horse and ox; how to
make wool into yarn; and how to make pots, in which to store and
cook your food. Is that not so, Socrates?

SOCRATES

It is I who reminded you of Prometheus' gifts, my Lord Apollo.

ASTRA

You are pretentious, Socrates, to claim your memory is better than
mine. But to continue, the arts and crafts men learned through the
centuries have Improved in your lifetime. Phidias' statues of
Athena and Zeus are the best the world has seen. Your Parthenon is
beyond compare. Athenian ships are bigger, and move faster, than
those your fathers built. Would you not agree?

SOCRATES

The recent past has been good to us, yes.

ASTRA

So our lives are certainly better than were those of our ancestors,
who lived in caves. Doesn't that seem evident?

SOCRATES

That does not prove the lives of our descendents will be even
better. A squirrel can climb towards the stars, but can never
reach higher than the top branch of the tree.

ASTRA

Are you saying, then, that by chance it happens just now, after all
these centuries, man has reached that top branch—the peak of
perfection? And that the tree itself will grow no taller?

SOCRATES

It seems quite likely that we were most comfortable a decade or so
ago, and since then have become worse off.

ASTRA

Prometheus will no longer help you find better ways to live?

SOCRATES

How can life be better than it was in Pericles' time? We feared no
one. We ate well, were warm before our fires in the winter, and
cool on our terraces in the summer. We had time for music and
theatre, and to appreciate the arts.

SUSIO

And to stuff ourselves with pork and ham, and guzzle wine.

SOCRATES

But man can move backward as easily as he moves ahead. Some of the arts we've had in the past, we've lost. Who will ever write plays as well as Aeschylus did? Who knows how the ancient Egyptians built their vast pyramids? Who today can attach feathers to his arms and fly, as Daedalus did when he escaped with his son from Crete?

ASTRA

[In this and ensuing speeches, she begins to
leave her trance again--she gradually begins to
lower her arms and open her eyes, and her face
becomes more and more animated.]
But surely someone like yourself, who understands the affairs of
men, should see that whatever man did once, he can do again.
Aristophanes' plays are said by some to be better than those of
Aeschylus. And in the future man will fly faster and higher than
Daedalus did, and will build structures even bigger than the
pyramids.

SOCRATES

If you say so, my Lord Apollo, it must be so, though it seems clear
to me that Zeus continues to oppose man, as he did when he punished
Prometheus for bringing us fire.

ASTRA

And why do you think Zeus will prevent man from improving himself?

SOCRATES

If he favors us, why does he permit wars and plagues, which maim
and kill?

ASTRA

Wars and plagues have always been with you, and have not kept you
from progressing.

SOCRATES

But wars themselves are becoming more deadly as time passes. Lord
Apollo. Steel weapons are replacing bronze; today's warships are
bigger than yesterday's, and can kill more men per battle; and I
have heard of engines which will catapult huge stones at city
walls, killing innocent women and children in their homes.

SUSIO

And sows and piglets in their sties?!?!?

ASTRA

[Ignoring SUSIO.]
You've used your learning and understanding to recognize the
progress man has made, Socrates. Doesn't your good judgment, now,
tell you that, since man improves his ability to wage war, he will
continue to improve in other ways?

SOCRATES

If his weapons keep improving, he will some day destroy himself,
and perhaps the world as well.

ASTRA

So said the pessimists when the first spear was invented, and again
when the arrow replaced the spear. And yet mankind survives and
prospers.

SOCRATES

We have not prospered the past decade. And if our sons are to
thrive in the future, they should try to avoid the soldier's life.
Your son will be at risk, Aristophanes. When will his turn come to
join the army? How old is the boy now?

ARISTOPHANES

He...uh...he is not yet born.

SOCRATES

Not born!
[Surprised, he thinks for a moment, then...]
And did you know. Lord Apollo, that Aristophanes's question was
about a child that does not exist?

ASTRA

Of course.

SOCRATES

I suppose, in fact, the child may not yet have been conceived.
Aristophanes, is this son of yours in his mother's womb, or merely
in your mind?

ARISTOPHANES

In her womb, Socrates. When he is born, he will be as real as you
are. And probably wiser.

SOCRATES

Let us hope he will be wiser than I, and more principled than his
father. Though of course the child may turn out to be a girl, and
not a son at all. You know all things, my Lord Apollo. Which will
it be, a son or a daughter?

ASTRA

The gods will not decide until the child is born.

SUSIO

Now that be a queer thing! From what I've seen in thirty years of
raising swine, the barrows and gilts--that is, the boys and
girls—are all parceled out in the sow's belly, long before
they're born. I'd think it'd be the same with your lady wife.

ARISTOPHANES

[Angrily.]
You compare my lady to a sow?
[Unconsciously he moves, protectively, to put
himself between ASTRA and SUSIO, though he
still faces SUSIO as he speaks.]
You Insult the mother of my son, Susio. And you will apologize, at
once.
[He advances on SUSIO.]

SUSIO

[Backing off, nervously.]
Merciful heavens. Sir! I meant no offense. I apologize, gladly.
I'm very sorry! I'm sure your wife's not like a sow. She'll be a
slim lady, with dark eyes, and not a bristle on her...
[ARISTOPHANES advances threateningly at that,
and SUSIO retreats again.]
No, of course. No bristles. I said no bristles. Nor a tail,
either. I mean she's lovely. Charming. A lady who...

SOCRATES

[He has observed ASTRA's interest in
ARISTOPHANES, and ARISTOPHANES's protective
stance when SUSIO insulted his 'lady wife'. He now rises,
and addresses ASTRA herself, instead of the altar.]
Your Priestess told us, Astra, that the omens predict Apollo will
be absent for a few weeks, starting sometime soon.

ASTRA

[By now she is completely herself, out of the
trance, and replies directly to SOCRATES.]
That is so, Socrates.

SOCRATES

So the Pythia will not have to appear during that time.

XENA

And what business is this of yours, Socrates?

SOCRATES

[Ignoring her.]
Your dress is lovely, Astra. But I had been told the Pythia wore a
different sort of gown—one which better displayed her figure—one
which was not so loose, and flowing.
[He approaches ASTRA, as if to observe her more
closely. ARISTOPHANES now puts himself between
ASTRA and SOCRATES.]

ARISTOPHANES

Keep back, Socrates! You offend the Pythia.

SOCRATES

[Turning to SUSIO.]
You said a while ago, Susio, that Astra, the Pythia, did not seem
to you to be a virgin. What, may I ask, gave you that impression?

SUSIO

[Very uncomfortable to be put on the spot.]
I...Well, friend Socrates, I didn't mean... I'm not sure I'd say...
that is, she just seems...

XENA

Apollo has answered all the questions put to him, and more. The
consultation is at an end. You may go. All of you.
[She gestures to the door.]

SOCRATES

I have another question, for Astra again, not for Apollo. I would
rather ask it here, than ask it of my friends and neighbors back in
Athens.

XENA

Your insolence, Socrates, does not please the gods. You will go,
at once, or ...

ASTRA

[Interrupting.]
I think, Xena, we had better hear what it is Socrates wants to
know.
[To SOCRATES.]
But surely, your question will be of no interest to Susio...

SOCRATES

You're right. It concerns neither swine nor vineyards.

ASTRA

Susio, you may go. May good fortune attend you. Return to your
farm; and never forget to dung and water, tie and weed. I hope you
will visit us again, to ask Apollo about Circe's future.

SUSIO

I'll be doin' that, my lady Pythia. I ain't about to forget you,
for your buxom charms as well as for Apollo's advice. May all your
piglets thrive, and turn to bacon.
[He hesitates, obviously thinking of giving
ASTRA another kiss. But ARISTOPHANES is in the
way, so he bows to SOCRATES and ARISTOPHANES.]
And good-day to you, my friends. It's been a treat for me to have
a finger in the pie of all this here fine talk. If you ever be in
the neighborhood of Chaeronea, stop by for a visit. We can have us
a glass of wine, and talk about all manner of things—about...about
sandals, sails, and sausages, cucumbers and slings; and...and why
the sky be brimstone-hard, and...and whether pigs has wings.
[With the last phrase, he looks down at CIRCE,
and rubs her ears as he exits, saying...]
Not that I've seen me a pig with wings so far, my bewitchin' little
Circe. But if Daedalus could fly himself away from Crete, why
shouldn't you grow feathers and soar off into the heavens? My
little titmouse, my chickadee, my nightingale, my whippoorwill, my
turtle-dove...
[He exits.]

XENA

Lady Pythia, don't you think...

ASTRA

[Ignoring her.]
And now, Socrates, what is this question you so rudely threaten to
ask in Athens, if it is not answered here?

SOCRATES

Threaten? Who would dare to issue a threat in the temple of my
Lord Apollo? I merely want to persuade you that there is a measure
of prudence in my nature--! believe you called it "Cautious good
sense in dealing with others."

ASTRA

Apollo called it that. A prudent man, mindful of the dangers of
being thought wiser than his fellows, would think well before
putting the question you are about to ask.

SOCRATES

But it's a very simple question. If I were to say that Astra, the
Pythia, is pregnant, and will soon have a child whose father is the
playwright Aristophanes...
[XENA steps forward as if to protect ASTRA, and
ARISTOPHANES steps forward as if to threaten
SOCRATES. ASTRA holds up her hand to stop them
both, and SOCRATES continues.]
If I were to say that, my dear Astra, do you suppose Apollo might
change his opinion of the wisdom of Socrates?

ARISTOPHANES

[Furious.]
Hold that serpentine and deceitful tongue of yours, or I'll rip it
out and feed it to Susie's pigs!
[He again threatens SOCRATES.]

ASTRA

Aristophanes!!
[He backs off and goes to ASTRA's side, fuming.]

SOCRATES

And if Apollo reconsidered his judgment, might you, Aristophanes,
find it prudent to regard me with more charity in the future?
Might you not be more humble, and less inclined to criticize your
betters?

XENA

You have no business intruding here at Delphi with your false and
improper accusations, Socrates.

SOCRATES

If the Athenian magistrates were to intrude, seeking evidence of
impropriety, Astra could easily prove me wrong by greeting them in a
less modest, a more revealing gown.

ARISTOPHANES

[To ASTRA.]
I should be glad to arrange that this prattling busybody has an
accident on his way home to Athens, Astra.

ASTRA

The father of my child is not a murderer, Aristophanes.
[She thinks a moment, then...]
Perhaps Apollo has misjudged Socrates' wisdom. And for my
sake—for both our sakes—I pray you will agree to treat him more
kindly in the future—with a spirit less prideful and more
generous.

ARISTOPHANES

My spirit is what I am. It can't be made to fawn upon a
smooth-tongued, slippery contriver of...

ASTRA

[Interrupting, she puts her hand on his arm.]
Your spirit is what moved me when I first saw it some months ago,
Aristophanes. It will never fawn upon anyone or anything. But it
and you must recognize Socrates' shrewdness—the wit that
penetrated our intrigue.

ARISTOPHANES

[Gloomily and reluctantly.]
I suppose you're right.

ASTRA

Give him your promise...

ARISTOPHANES

[To SOCRATES.]
I'll... I'll try to moderate all my Instinctive and rational disdain.

ASTRA

[Smiling ruefully.]
I fear you won't do better than that, Socrates. And I... I will
have a message sent to Chairephon, asking that he come to Delphi
and repeat his question about Socrates' wisdom.

SOCRATES

And will Apollo revise his opinion of me?

ASTRA

Who can tell for certain what the god will do? Would it satisfy
you if he replied, 'No one is wiser than Socrates.'

SOCRATES

[Musing.]
'No one is wiser than Socrates.' It has a nice rhythm. Yes, that
is a perceptive and fitting reply. A reply that should read well
in the chronicles of Delphi.

ASTRA

So be it, then. ... I... I hope, Socrates, that you will not some
day regret Apollo's reappraisal. The citizens of Athens today
regard you with fond pride. You're the provoking questioner who
stirs them up and brings distinction to the town. But once Apollo
says that you're the wisest man of all...
[She shakes her head.]
Your friends and neighbors all believe themselves to be as wise as
you. Or wiser. Please be prudent, Socrates! If you make use of
your extravagantly splendid...
[A little irony here.]
...wisdom to belittle that of the politicians and poets and
craftsmen of Athens, I fear that their spitefulness may some day be
the end of you.

SOCRATES

The end will come some day, whether my conversations be
prudent—which I insist they always are—or pretentious and
meddlesome, as you have claimed.

ASTRA

Prudent or pretentious, Socrates, they'll be long remembered. And
over the centuries they will encourage man to speculate and to
reason--to devote his time to the rich and fertile thought which
will prove Apollo correct when he predicted that our
grandchildren's grandchildren will live better lives.


END OF PLAY


PRONOUNCING VOCABULARY

Acharnians. Ah-car'-nee-uns
Aerius. Rhymes with pair'-sees
Aeschylus. Eh'-skull-us
Aetolia. Eh-tole'-ee-uh
Agis. Ay'-jiss
Alcibiades. Al-cih-bee'-uh-dees
Amphipolis. Am-fi'-pole-iss
Aphrodite. Aff'-row-dight-ee
Apollo. Uh-pawl'-oh
Aristophenes. Alr-iss-toff'-uh-knees
Astra. Ass'-truh
Athena. Uh-thee'-nuh
Boeotia. Bee-oh'-shuh
Chaeronea. Care-oh-knee'-uh
Chairephon. Car'-eh-fon
Circe. Sir'-see
Daedalus. Dead'-uhl-us
Delium. Deel'-ee-um
Dema. Dee'-muh
Dionysus. Die-oh-nigh'-sus
drachma. drak'-muh
Eros. Rhymes with pair'-gross
Hippocrates. Hip-pock'-ruh-tease
Lesbos. Lez'-buss
Locris. Low'-kris
Mantinea. Man-tin-ee'-uh
Olympus. Oh-limp'-puss
Pericles. Pair'-ik-lees
Phidias. Fee'-dee-us
Phocis. Foe'-sis
Polycleitus. Pawl-ee-klee'-tus
Prometheus. Pro-mee'-thee-us
Pythia. Pith'-ee-uh
Salamis. Sal'-uh-muss
Susio. Sue'-zee-oh
Thebes. Theebz'
Xena. Zee'-nuh
Zeus. Rhymes with moose.


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